Have you ever gone through a phase where things seem too hard and you feel like giving up? I learnt a rule on how to persevere in times like these from my fitness trainer.
My lesson in the gym class
During strength training, my fitness trainer would gradually increase the weight of the dumbbells I had to pick up.
5 kg.
10 kg.
15 kg.
20 kg.
‘20 kg? That’s too much! I can’t possibly pick this up. Does he think I am a wrestler?’
When the weight reached a limit which was too high for me psychologically, I would pick it up gingerly and then instantly tell my trainer that it was too heavy for me.
One day, on one such instance, my trainer asked me, “Do you think you can hold it for ten seconds?”
I counted for ten seconds under my breath, and was surprised that I could.
And this is the life advice he gave to me (well, for him it was gym advice, but still!)
“Whenever you feel you won’t be able to hold the weight any longer, just ask yourself : ‘Can I hold this for ten more seconds?’.
Always give yourself a chance for ten more seconds when you feel like giving up. Do it over and over again until you reach the end of your perseverance.”
Learning to Persevere
When I thought about it, there were two things which were holding me back whenever he gave me a higher weight. One was the fact that the weight was a new challenge for me, and often above my own psychological tolerance level. In other words, I did not believe I could lift such a heavy weight. And secondly, I made my goal too big. In other words, the tension of lifting the heavy weight for a whole one minute stopped me from even trying to lift it.
The ten second rule gave me the courage to take up new challenges and lift weights I never thought I could. And it helped me break my large, seemingly insurmountable goal of one minute, into smaller achievable goals of ten seconds each.
I have used his ten second rule for every situation I have needed to persevere through since then. Once, on a very long and uncomfortable bike ride, I kept persevering by asking myself to keep going for just 30 minutes more. Another time, while working in a very difficult workplace, I persevered for months by asking myself- can you hold on for just this day? For just this week?
In both cases, the Rule not only helped me persevere, but also gave me enough time to think about my decision before I took my next steps. Was I afraid of the challenge, or was it something I did not want to do? You don’t have to fight out every battle life throws at you. I completed the bike ride. But I left that job.
Steps of Ten Second Rule
So here are the steps of the Ten Second Rule for anyone who wants to try it out:
1) Identify if you are in a tough situation where you feel like giving up.
2) Make your goals shorter. Give yourself ‘ten more seconds‘.
3) As you persevere through these shorter goals, identify where the discomfort lies. Are you afraid of the challenge, or is this challenge not something you want to do?
And then, just breathe. If you are afraid of the challenge, conquer it with small goals. And if this isn’t a challenge you want to take up, just let it go. Why waste time and energy on something which adds little value to what you really want to do?
Sometimes letting go is the bravest, and the most intelligent step you can take in life.