Equanimity
I sat meditating in my balcony on a quiet morning in Bangalore. There was a slight cool breeze, a characteristic of Bangalore autumns. And penetrating through that breeze, rays of the sun touched my face ever so slightly- a reassurance of warmth in times of the approaching cold.
It was at a time like this when I came upon the solution of a problem that I had always wondered about.
There was something about Buddhist philosophy which had attracted me ever since childhood. Although I agreed with most of its points, I just couldn’t understand and identify with one tenet of its teachings— to renounce earthly bonds in order to avoid pain.
I firmly believe that following a philosophy includes questioning it, and I always questioned this aspect of Buddhism. If one were to form no earthly and material bonds, then what is the point of being born human? What is the use of all the neurotransmitters, hormones and neurons in the body if we weren’t meant to feel emotions?
And then, on that nondescript breezy morning in the balcony, it hit me. Maybe Buddha did not mean that we need to renounce earthly bonds. Maybe what he meant was that in spite of earthly bonds— with our family, our friends, our partners, our smartphone, our dreams, our beliefs or even our bodies— there needs to be a part of you which must remain unattached and untouched.
Equanimity.
Maybe what he meant was that there needs to be an inner core in every human being which remains untouched by the outer world. Which, even in the face of adversity, keeps us grounded solidly into our Self. So that even if your partner leaves you or you lose your family, there is an inner sense of self-assurance that you shall be fine alone. So that even when you are lying in pain on a hospital bed, unsure of whether you shall be alive tomorrow, there is an inner sense of peace that it will all be okay. So that deprecating judgements and spiteful comments no longer matter because you know what you are within.
Inner equanimity is that solid core which anchors us to stability even as we float chaotically in this rough and stormy ocean called life. And that is why it is important to pause life for a few minutes everyday and contemplate on who we are and how we are growing as an individual.
If you think about it, life is a little scary and mysterious. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why do so many things keep changing? From the moment we are born, we undertake a journey to find some sort of stability— in our family, or our career, or our love. But our quest for that search, the direction of that journey is incorrect.
For that journey is within.