The Three Circles

In psychology classes, our teacher made us draw three concentric circles of relationship. The common centre of the three circles symbolised us as individuals. In the first (innermost) circle, we had to plot ten points, each point being a person closest to us. Let’s call these people a general term called FRIENDS. The second (middle) had around twenty points, each point being an ACQUAINTANCE. The last (outermost) circle, in general stood for everyone we knew, basically, our FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS. Years after doing this exercise, I have finally decoded the nuances of it (Boy, am I a slow learner!).

Firstly, how do we know who are the ten people closest to us (friends)? I think, it is the people who have at some time of their life, put our interest above theirs. Like my sister who sat with me for hours after surgery, my parents who in general are always there for me, my friend who travelled six hours in the monsoon-clogged Delhi roads to collect my late dog Goofy’s ashes, the ultra tired friend who called up yesterday after ten hours of office just to help me pass time in the hospital, the ones who gave up fun time to get bored with me when I was a patient. These are the people we should care about. These are the people whose opinions should matter, whose absence should be felt. These are the people whom we have enough right upon to ask for help, and the ones we would sacrifice for in return.

Then comes the second circle of acquaintances. These are the people we have fun with. The person with whom we go out for coffee. Or a trip. Or a play. This is the buffer zone— there will be people who stay on in your life and eventually become ‘friends’, and there will be people who will just share small pleasant moments and eventually move on. We have no rights over them, and neither any obligations. Ingraining this harsh truth into our psyche can prevent much emotional hurt from unmet expectations and emotional turmoil ‘trying to please everyone’.

The outermost circle are our fellow human beings. Going by live and let live, these are the ones should be respected as co-habitants of a single planet, who have rights equal to ours. We should respect their opinions, and take the positives from it. But if we get agitated by their opinions, and go around wasting time trying to change it, all we do is waste the positive energy that our ‘friends’ and perhaps ‘acquaintances’ and most of all ‘we as individuals’ deserve.

Go and look for those ten closest people who have loved you even if it hurt them a little. And bother only about their opinions, if needed.

“Life is too short for you to be disappointed any longer”